What are you supposed to think when you go to your local neighborhood grocery store in Madison, Wisconsin...

... and you just want some sparkling water — mineral water, club soda, seltzer, whatever — and the store has a choice of exactly one thing, and it's this...





...?

Possible thoughts:

1. Is this a crazy — possibly drug-induced — dream?

2. Oh, no, America is over!

3. Is this the Chocolate Factory?

4. Voluptuous women are pulchritudinous.

5. It has been determined: a. choice only makes people unhappy, b. best brand is Naleczowianka, and c. everyone must express delight with perfectly happy dance, like this: