"Wisconsin isn't actually the center of the universe. A convergence of events has just made it seem that way."

Writes the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

This week alone, President Barack Obama visited the state, U.S. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) gave the Republican response to the State of the Union address, and the Green Bay Packers were on the fast track to becoming America's sweethearts.

Wednesday night's "American Idol," spotlighting auditions it conducted in Milwaukee in the summer and fall of 2010, was just icing on the cake....

Performers stood in front of a blue scrim with the "Idol" logo, judges sat at the prow-like front of the [Windhover Hall of the Milwaukee Art Museum] and interviews were conducted in the museum's whalebone white hallways.

A stormy Lake Michigan was a feature throughout and could be seen dramatically changing colors and textures behind the judges....

Jennifer Lopez referred to it as "the ocean."

Hey, we were already planning to go to the Milwaukee Art Museum this weekend. So don't think, when you see my photographs, that we only went there because of "American Idol." We're going there because we're excited about seeing Masterworks of North Carolina Earthenware:

The exhibition explores, among others, work... by Moravian immigrant potters who...  found a home in the North Carolina Moravian missionary settlement. Superior in quality to the pottery the early American colonists were creating, the slip-decorated earthenware, though utilitarian, represented the religious beliefs for which their makers had once been persecuted, and allowed the settlers to maintain a sense of cultural identity in the new world.

I'm a descendant of Moravian refugees from persecution, and maybe the mysterious Meade will tell you why he's interested in the show too.

The top 6 auditions...

... from the first week of the new season of "American Idol." 3 from New Jersey and 3 from New Orleans. The last one in the New Orleans group is my favorite...



... Jacee Badeaux.

Are you going to watch the new season of "American Idol"?

I'm going to check it out. I'm interested in how they deal with the absence of Simon and whether there's some resonance with America's (supposed) new civility.

UPDATE: I think they've done a reasonably good job of rolling in the new judges, but too much time was spent trying to establish that Jennifer Lopez is the "new Paula." I'm not interested in her preening over how nice she is. If she can't judge, she shouldn't be a judge. But I blame the editors. They think — I assume — that a "new Paula" is what the people want. Steven Tyler is focused and crisp. He'll be okay. But everyone needs to sharpen up. I don't want to watch Jennifer Lopez show us that she's a nice person, and I don't want to see the contestants demonstrating their love for her either.

UPDATE 2: Basically, a successful adjustment to Simonlessness. Steven Tyler is particularly good at simple, short, varied statements. Both Tyler and Lopez have interesting and expressive faces — which saved a lot of time, when, really, all we need to hear is yes or  no. Randy seems to take naturally to the seat of authority. We never saw the judges fight or even disagree, so the emphasis was on the contestants, and we mainly saw good ones. No one was humiliated, and we weren't subjected to the usual demonstrations of delusion and the mundane fact that many people sing off-key. Yeah, it might get boring as they sift through all the cities in Stage 1 of the competition, but it might get better as it becomes less urgent to convince us that Lopez and Tyler will be okay.

From her new book "America by Heart," Sarah Palin denounces the powerful media folk who exploit young people.

Young people who go on "American Idol":

“On American Idol, of course, these self-esteem-enhanced but talent deprived performers eventually learn the truth. After they've embarrassed themselves for the benefit of the producers, they are told in no uncertain terms that they, in fact, can't sing, regardless of what they have been told by others.”

She goes on to argue that someone should tell those without musical talent who audition for “Idol” that they need to work on their ear-piercingly bad voices before trying out for the show. “Instead, a growing chorus of voices is trying to convince our kids that hard work isn't necessary anymore,” Palin writes.

And flawed, naive Levi Johnston:

"Of course, we all had to bite our tongues - more than once - as Tripp's father went on a media tour through Hollywood and New York, spreading untruths and exaggerated rhetoric. It was disgusting to watch as his fifteen minutes of fame were exploited by supposed adults taking advantage of a lost kid. But we knew him well enough to see how confused he was during that time, and our hearts broke for him and the price he would pay."

***

If you're going to buy Sarah's new book, please use this link (and make a cost-free contribution to this blog).

"Also I don't want to be on television. It's become boring, arse-paralysingly brain crippling."

Says Elton John, explaining why he didn't want the job of "American Idol" judge. He kind of indicates that if he'd gone on he too would have been arse-paralysingly boring.

(Please make an extra effort to write high-quality comments. I can picture some really stupid wisecracks. I'm going to set up a special comments policy for this post: If you say anything predictable, I will delete. Let's see if anything survives.)

"[T]heme weeks forcing folks out of their wheelhouse are out, and stay-within-your-box-and-make-the-box-awesome with decade-based theme weeks is what's in."

"American Idol" update. So, if you're country, you'll be allowed to sing country, every week, and not prove that you can do, say, disco.

And Jennifer Lopez and Stephen Tyler are the new judges, joining Randy Jackson, the only original judge left:

Tyler, the first new judge Seabiscuit announced, bounced out on stage like a rat terrier hot on the trail of something rodent-y, grinned, and began to sing/scream "American IIIIIIIDOL," in his adorable, screechy, Steven Tyler way....

Shortly after Tyler skipped off stage, Jennifer Lopez rose from under the stage in a cloud of white faux-smoke.

"It's all about concentration! You have to concentrate -- and just live!" J-Lo advised auditioners in the audience....

You have to concentrate -- and just live.... Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.

Philosophy is everywhere.

"Subject: This moment" — email from Barack Obama.

This moment. Bleh. Is he sending me the lyrics from an "American Idol" finale song?

What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me,
Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'
That we've met before
So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come and now...
A moment like this...

Eh. Sorry, I don't believe you, Barack. The moment is over.

Ann --

When Michelle and I decided that I would run for President, it was because of a shared belief in the power of community and connection, a commitment to the idea that we are our brothers' keepers....

There are a lot of people out there who do not believe we can continue this work.

But we've defied the naysayers before. It was supporters like you who stood up and said...

Am I one of the people who are considered the 8 million members of "Obama's Army" that seems to have melted back into the civilian population?

"American Idol" will never find a true replacement for Paula.

Ellen is out. She was nice, but she didn't know much about music and preserving her reputation for niceness (and comedy) trumped any dedication to judging the contestants. Now, there's talk of bringing in Jennifer Lopez. Does Lopez bring niceness to the judge's table? She may have Paula-level musical expertise... but will she project the love and the crazy that Paula gave us? No, they will never find another Paula, though they may one day understand how subtly perfect she was for their impossibly popular little TV talent contest.

"I can't say this is true yet, cause I don't know. Next year they asked me to possibly be the judge on 'American Idol.'"

Do you want Bret Michaels to replace Simon Cowell?

And the blue-eyed boy beats the single mom.

America picks Lee.

"And when in doubt, go with the particularly American feelings about gender that would rather see Martha Stewart go down than Lee Iacocca..."

"... that would choose almost anybody, for any public office, over Hillary Rodham Clinton. Sarah Palin's entire narrative is based on the audacity, the sheer gall. Accusations of female arrogance have been big over the last year, taking up about half of the political discourse and even more of the conversation about entertainment...."

As "American Idol," the season, comes to an end tonight, we've got to wonder if "American Idol," the series, is also dying.

It's fallen in the ratings, and this season seemed wan...

Lead judge Simon Cowell is fleeing to bring Fox his own show next year, the British hit "The X Factor," though rumors fly that producers are talking about Cowell's retaining some sort of on-air role with "Idol." Although plenty of names have been bandied about — Harry Connick Jr., Jamie Foxx, Elton John — producers have been mum about who will replace him....

Mum, probably because they don't have a good name. Connick is the best of those 3, all of whom were guest mentors this season. The worst is Elton John, though he does have an English accent. 

"I don't think anyone can replace Simon; he became the Capt. Kirk of the show," said veteran reality producer Scott Sternberg, who is not connected to "Idol."

Because you could never do a "Star Trek" season without Captain Kirk.



And then there was Ellen:

"She played it very safe," Sternberg said. "She said not a lot, a few jokes here and there. She was extraordinarily neutral. … I'm not sure whether Fox reaped the benefits of casting her."

Eh. Sternberg's kind of dense. Ellen did what she was supposed to. She kept it brief and provided humor and niceness. But it really was a mistake to think it was a good idea to have a judge with no music expertise.

Anyway... we're still watching. I guess I hope Lee wins, even though it's annoyed me that the judges have shown extreme favoritism for him over these last few weeks. He's the paint store guy, the everyman, who went through the classic narrative arc. Crystal began and ended the same way: excellent, secure, professional. She maintained her cool and didn't get swept up in the show the way they wanted. There's something nicely subtle and modest about her that will work better without the burden of winning the show.

A poll, to be answered only by people who care about the outcome tonight. That is, there's no "who cares?" option, because I don't care that a lot of people don't care. I mean, duh. Don't vote if you don't care.

Who should win?
	Lee
	Crystal
pollcode.com free polls

"Then Lee's beautiful voice attempts not to be incredibly dorky singing the incredibly dorky song about Chris O'Donnell's plastic nipples."

"This song, have you heard it?... It is one of the most mystifying songs in the history of words."

Yeah, the original "Kiss From a Rose" is from "Batman Forever." I'd forgotten that. Last night, on "American Idol," the theme was songs from movies, and with one exception — "Mrs. Robinson" — I had no feeling for what the movie supposedly was. I'd completely lost track of "Kiss From a Rose" being Batman-related. Anyway, Lee Dewyze did that song last night and it seemed pretty bad to me.

I said Lady Gaga looked like she'd been swimming in seaweed, got caught in a net, and then, without removing the net, took up beekeeping.

But let's hear how Television Without Pity's Jacob describes her woeful "American Idol" performace:

A giant angel statue under blue lights, a naked gay man having spazzers on the floor, and Gaga at the piano covered in spray-painted black branches, herself in a black chiffon version of the costumes they had to wear in The Handmaid's Tale....

Link added.

She's still got a fishnet thing over her face, because she's weird about her face. Because it's weird.... The song is very slow and not my favorite of the catalog...

Yes, it was slow. Leaden. Odd when a [big star's] mediocre performance takes place on the "American Idol" stage. Even though the judges won't judge it, you construct judgely comments in your head. Man, if she were a contestant, they'd flay her. They'd peel off that seaweed and netting and flay her.

Lady Gaga stalks over to a giant Halloween Tree/Meat God, and plays the piano hardcore and things get kind of Shakira for a second, musically, but now she's singing about somebody named "Roberto." Maybe this song is actually written from the perspective of somebody named Roberto and she's even more about appropriating gay men's sex lives than usual, taking it global. Or maybe those are the names of two of her dancers and she's just making this song up as she goes along. Or maybe this is a tribute to Cinco de Mayo, because she keeps talking about Mexico....

I thought it might be some sort of commentary on the immigration crisis. What I heard was: hostile words for a series of men with Hispanic names — get away from me Hispanic men. I imagined that she might be on the anti-immigrant side of the debate — or trying to tap into that side of The American Brain.

But we can read the actual lyrics here:

You know that I love you boy.
Hot like Mexico, rejoice.
At this point I gotta choose,
nothing to loose.

Don't call my name.
Don't call my name, Alejandro.
I'm not your babe.
I'm not your babe, Fernando.

Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch.
Just smoke one cigarette and hush.
Don't call my name.
Don't call my name, Roberto....

Don't bother me.
Don't bother me. Alejandro
Don't call my name.
Don't call my name, Fernando.

My theory is not so far-fetched now, is it? She even cites Mexico as their country of origin.Yes, I realize there's love relationship talk in there, but I'm talking subtext. (Remember interpreting "American Woman" by the Guess Who?)

Jacob has nothing to say about the immigration subtext. He's all about her questionable relationship to homosexuality:

Lady Gaga creates culture, but more importantly if you have a subculture of any kind, Lady G would like to be a part of it, because she's an upper-class prep school New Yorker and thus has been exposed to subcultures her entire life that do not admit her. So when that happens -- when you are too interesting for your world -- you have to do things like this, which are awesome, but also things that are not so awesome, like glomming onto gay culture so hard you actually have to pretend that your bisexuality is more than hypothetical. 

Glomming!

IN THE COMMENTS: Daniel wrote:

I got into Lady Gaga because of American Idol. Her first performance last year. Playing that bubble piano then rocking out, with that S&M zippered leather eye cover. Whew! Hot.

Now, symmetrically, I'm souring on Gaga because of American Idol. Yesterday was a snort fest. Her cheap costume. The dude skirt shorts -- a weird mix of rib-high waists (because you're not a woman, you're a mom!), bike shorts and mini skirts. The gallons of sweat pouring off the dancers shaved chests. The fake tree. The flame spitting angel -- because that's what angels do, they shoot flames out of their heads. Gaga's apparent boredom (the only part of the performance that was dead on for me). TERRIBLE. Between that and her crappy telephone song, I really don't care how many women she makes out with -- she's sucking hard right now.

After Harry Connick night (AKA Frank Sinatra night) all of the Idol contestants are at risk.

And with only one female left in the group of 5, I bet the producers are desperately regretting that they tucked Crystal Bowersox in the center of the lineup and the judges all went so negative on her. Simon thought her lovely version of "Summer Wind" was too much like something you'd hear in a jazz club. He said that with a sneer so we'd understand what a bad thing that is.

She was criticized for sleepiness and lack of urgency. They want more of a strenuous demonstration that you really want this thing — which is the grotesque way most of the contestants act. Now, Lee Dewyze has also had a shy style, but somehow they've decided he's the one they want to win — or at least he's the one they want to provide competition for Crystal, who has long seemed like the predestined winner.

But what if, in trying to make Lee into her worthy competitor, they've let her slip through the cracks? If she goes home tonight, there will be 4 left, all male, and all pretty boring. Do you really want to tune in and not to be able to see any females? It will be grim! There was once a season that became all male when there were 3 left, and there were 2 more with a male final 2.  If Crystal goes... ratings disaster.

Anyway... Harry Connick Jr. was the best mentor guest they've ever had on the show. He didn't just listen to the contestants and give them some advice. He did the arrangements and played on stage with them. And he's so charming. Lee is lucky he kinda looks like Harry. It gave him a sexiness boost to be seen with Harry. I was thinking, yeah, he could be like that.

And here's Lee DeWyze singing his Sinatra song: "That's Life." Are you an obsessive enough reader of this blog to remember that I wrote about this song — back in 2008 in a post with photographs of a foggy cemetery?

As I drove into the cemetery, just by chance, on the radio's "Sinatra" channel, Van Morrison was singing "That's Life." I can't find the Van Morrison version, but here's Frank Sinatra. Lyrics (by Dean Kay and Kelly Gordon):

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around...

That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here July
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die

What a crazy song! It's all life affirming and then, impetuously, suicidal.

So I was excited that Lee was singing that song. How would he do the crazy big-ball-and-die climax? Answer: He didn't. It was arranged to end with "this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around." Life affirming. Blah. It's "American Idol" and any possible sharp edges must be dulled.

What word in what Frank Sinatra song would Siobvan Magnus have magnificently shrieked?

She got sent home last night, so it's alternate reality speculation. But look at the song list — after the jump — it's real. "American Idol" will do Sinatra next week. (Via Throwing Things, where Adam realizes he can't understand America's taste.)

Which of the 5 that are left will do best with this sort of material, and what do you want to hear each one sing?

Here are the songs — all painfully better than any of the Shania Twain stuff they did this week:

• All or Nothing At All
• All the Way
• Anything Goes
• As Time Goes By
• Blue Moon
• Blue Skies
• Come Dance with Me
• Come Fly With Me
• Come Rain or Come Shine
• Fly Me to The Moon (In Other Words)
• I Get A Kick Out of You
• I Love Paris
• I Only Have Eyes For You
• I’ve Got a Crush On You
• I’ve Got the World on a String
• I’ve Got You Under My Skin
• In The Still of the Night
• In The Wee Small Hours of the Morning
• It Had to Be You
• It Was a Very Good Year
• Just One of Those Things
• Love and Marriage
• Love is Here to Stay
• Love Walked In
• My Funny Valentine
• My Kind of Town
• My Way
• New York, New York (From “On the Town”)
• Night and Day
• One For My Baby
• Pennies From Heaven
• Put Your Dreams Away
• Someone to Watch Over Me
• Somethin’ Stupid
• Strangers in the Night
• Street of Dreams
• Summer Wind
• That’s All
• That’s Life
• The Best is Yet to Come
• The Good Life
• The Lady is a Tramp
• The Way You Look Tonight
• They Can’t Take that Away From Me
• What Is This Thing Called Love
• Witchcraft
• You Do Something To Me
• You Make Me Feel So Young
• You’re Getting to Be a Habit with Me
• Young at Heart

I hope no one thinks it's a good idea to do "My Way" or "New York, New York." I love "Someone to Watch Over Me" as sung by Sinatra, but it's a dangerous song for a man to sing without sounding like a pussy — or a little lamb that's lost in the woods. I would advise Aaron not to sing "You Make Me Feel So Young." (He's 17.) "One For My Baby" is also a dangerous song — very heavy on the drinking and driving.

It only hurts when I'm wet.

Last night on "American Idol," it was Shania Twain night. There was some talk about how the guys — there are 4 left — would sing such feminine songs. After Michael Lynche sang "It Only Hurts When I Breathe," Simon Cowell said "I thought the performance, however, was a little bit wet, as if you were in a musical acting out the words."

Wet, eh? Questioned about what that meant, Cowell was coy: "the opposite of dry." Further grilled, he said "It was a little bit girly for you." I think he was signaling the people at home that it's time to let go of poor Michael, who is a big burly guy whose fatherhood the show has touted since his first appearance. Now, when they'd like us to dump him, Simon injects doubt about his manhood into the American mind.

Meanwhile, Kara DioGuardia snarked about how the little guy, Aaron Kelly, wisely changed the words "when we made love" in Twain's "Way About You." Kara wriggled around as though she was uncomfortable referring to the fact that he's so young he must be a virgin. (He just turned 17.) And then Aaron upped the discomfort level by letting us know he was "singing the song to my mom." A wave of "aw" rose up in the audience, and Aaron bit his lip as if he might sob with love for his mother. No way he's voted out! Moms watch the show, and moms vote. If they were trying to signal that we should drop Aaron, they botched it.

Anyway, I suddenly realize I know that damned "breathe" song. Yeah! Here it is! A blog post written on March 31, 2004. I'd gone to the dentist:

The dentist pipes in music that most resembles the kinds of songs that contestants on American Idol sing. When I'm at the dentist I'm hyper-aware of how much I hate that kind of music, which makes me wonder what strange force makes me watch American Idol. Oh, the Motown stuff last night was good--I like Fantasia--but it's that generic bellowing anthemic crap that I can't tolerate (for example, at the dentist today, Melissa Etheridge singing something along the lines of "It only hurts when I breathe....," where the approach seems to be come up with one line that appears clever and just emote the hell out of that one line over and over). But that is all to say: I really do have a lot of work to get on to. I've got a Conlaw class at 11...

Ha ha. More than 5 years later, I'm still watching "Idol," and they finally do that song. (And I did correct the Melissa Etheridge mistake in an update at the time, even though I don't really care which lung-y woman is which.

And, actually, I've got a Conlaw class at 11 today too. The last class of the Spring semester....

"Save the world! Save the world! But first … let's crush someone's dreams!"

"And whose dreams were crushed tonight? All those teen girls who dig Tim Urban, that's who."

***

Did you watch the show last night, the "American Idol Gives Back" charity night? They had a lot of big stars performing, and too bad we don't get to vote them out. They were all awful. I didn't enjoy one of them. Not Alicia Keys, not Elton John, not the Black Eyed Peas, not Jeff Beck w/ Joss Stone... not anybody. Why are they all so bad? At least the regular contestants have a reason for being as bad as they are. And, as noted, you do get to see them — all but one — rejected in the end.

Did you hear Crystal Bowersox sing "People Get Ready" on "American Idol" last night?

It was one of the best ever performances on the show. Watch. At the last line — "you just thank the Lord" — she breaks down and cries. Afterwards, she attributed her tears to the presence of her father in the audience and the thankfulness she felt toward him.

It's hard to imagine anyone but her winning, but there are still 6 others on the show to be eliminated. What's to keep us engaged for the rest of the season? Can any of the 6 provide worthy competition for Crystal? I got the impression from the judges' comments last night that they have selected Lee Dewyze as the appropriate challenger. His "The Boxer" last night really was good, but the overpraise was insipid, especially when they were as negative as they were toward the 5 others.

Elvis and Adam Lambert.

Oh, there was so much potential for extravagant self-indulgence. But in the end, they were pretty much on the same level. And 2 must go this week. So everyone's at risk, and no one can be saved. Angsty!

IN THE COMMENTS: Lyssa says: "What I couldn't believe was that nobody, not even Randy, commented on Siobhan's 'sexy Elvis' Halloween costume."

Ha ha ha. Stray thought: When are they going to have Lou Reed night?